50 Ways to Tell if You're a Narutard
by Hana M. Rose
Summary: Just as the title suggests.


Disclaimer:  
I, Hana M. Rose, do not, nor will I ever, own _Naruto_ or any of its characters; they are the sole property of Masashi Kishimoto-sensei, nobody else. This fan fiction was made purely for entertainment purposes only.

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**"****50 Ways to Tell if You're a Narutard****"**

**By: ****Hana M. Rose**  
**Humor**

**You know you're a Narutard when...**

**1.** You become suspiciously attracted to the most obnoxious color orange imaginable.

**2.** You start addressing all of your teachers by the title "-sensei".

**3.** You convince nine of your friends to dress up like the Akatsuki with you for Halloween, claiming that it just would not be the same unless there were ten psychopathic otaku running around your neighborhood collecting crappy pieces of candy together.

**4.** You slaughter each and every one of your little sister's stuffed animals, telling her that she can only avenge their death if she has enough hatred.

**5.** You are told to go jump off a cliff and you say that would not be a problem because you could simply use Kuchiyose to have a giant frog save you at the last moment.

**6.** You spend more money on hair-gel than food in a year.

**7.** You eat nothing but ramen.

**8.** You fall asleep in class and, when asked why, you simply respond, "Shukaku kept me up all night, threatening that he would go on a rampage with my body."

**9.** You refer to every large-chested, blonde woman you see as the "Godaime Hokage".

**10.** You stare at very good-looking people intently, claiming that you can see through their clothes with the Byakugan. (Note to guys: you would mostly likely get slapped when doing this to a girl. Note to girls: guys would most likely ask if you like what you see.)

**11.** You acquire a questionable taste in literature.

**12.** You have the tendency to wear an unnecessary amount of bandages around various body parts.

**13.** You get a hickey and call it a curse-seal.

**14.** You own four-hundred-seventy-three different colors of eyeliner.

**15.** You figure it a brilliant idea to cut your hair with a kunai knife.

**16.** You're sent to the hospital after crashing into a mirror. When asked to explain your actions by the doctor, you answer, "Well, Haku could do it; why the hell can't I!"

**17.** You get your legs amputated from the knee down so you could talk to Sasori face-to-face.

**18.** You kill your best friend, thinking that you will obtain the powers of the Mangekyo Sharingan.

**19.** After acquiring the Mangekyo Sharingan, you have faith in the Edotensei technique to bring your best friend back to life (providing they won't try to kill you when doing so.)

**20.** You become a flutist in an attempt you manipulate your fellow band members.

**21.** You go to the beach and try to control the sand.

**22.** You get a tattoo of the kanji for "ai" on your forehead.

**23.** You watch the show and every time you see Naruto and Sasuke (or any other popular yaoi couple) on the screen together you imagine them having hot, smutty boy smex, as you have read way too many "M" rated fan-fictions in the past.

**24.** You go to the hospital and question a doctor about conjoining you and your twin brother/sister's body together.

**25.** You show up for gym class in a green spandex jumpsuit and demand the consent to run five-hundred laps around the track, maintaining you need to express your "youthfulness" in an appropriate way.

**26.** You want to become a proctologist just so you would have an excuse to use the Sennengoroshi on completely random victims.

**27.** You are inexplicably attracted to schizophrenic gingers.

**28.** You cry every time you accidentally squish a bug.

**29.** You think that every snake you see is going to rape you.

**30.** You start yelling, "Dattebayo!" after almost everything you say.

**31. **You purposely forget to pound the air bubbles out of your clay in art class, effectively blowing up the kiln, and exclaim to the rest of the class that, "Art is truly a bang, un!"

**32.** You happen to have a limitless supply of potato chips in your bag.

**33.** You can eat fifty-three sticks of dango without puking and throw the sticks into the side of a tree, making a perfect Konohagakure Leaf symbol.

**34.** You begin to carry over-sized weapons (giant fans, Samehada, gourds, et cetera) that would give a normal person very bad back problems.

**35.** You tell your friends to call you the character's name of your choice.

**36.** You are caught by a family member while making-out with your Shonen Jump magazine.

**37.** You obsessively polish each and every one of your hitai-ate twice a day.

**38.** You constantly bicker with one of your friends over who would kick bigger ass in a fight: Gaara or Neji. The worst part being the fact the both of you have adequate arguments on the subject.

**39.** You think your uncle was ordered by your father to kill you when you were six.

**40.** You treat your manga books as if they were your own flesh and blood.

**41.** After breaking a leg, you claim not having to go to the hospital because you can use the Ninpo Sozosaisei technique.

**42.** You actually admit you have a problem and that you need to go to a Narutard support group, or NSG; they would hopefully be able to help you out. Either that or you would all get into a big discussion over who is the hottest character.

**43.** You know people that are Kankuro fan-girls.

**44.** You hold both Venus fly-traps and Oreos in very high regard, hoping that they will procreate and make little Zetsu babies.

**45.** You find yourself staring up at the clouds more often with the occasional muttering of, "Too troublesome."

**46.** You think you can rip out your spine and use it like a sword to defeat your enemies.

**47.** You strongly believe that you are being repressed by a creepy, old man with long, black hair.

**48.** You instantly think every white-haired man wearing a haori writes porn books.

**49.** You become a masochist that constantly prays to the god of evil, Jashin.

**50.** The people you come in contact with often are highly concerned for your mental health as you have been sycophantically crazed over a very sexy picture of a certain puppeteer making-out with his equally sexy blond partner that you found on the internet.

— **End —**

**("30 More Ways to Tell if You're a Narutard" is the sequel)**


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